As promised, I want to let you know I see the Lord moving. Sometimes that’s just in my own life. While I was praying today, I reflected on God’s unfailingly strong love. Here are a few of my thoughts as I approached the throne of grace:
I remember that feeling of being in love, the feeling that no mundane task could cloud my disposition because there was a hope of love. A hope of something bigger than the monotony of daily living. A hope that couldn’t be thwarted because somewhere there was someone who loved me, who romanced me both in and out of his presence. And I loved him too. It’s pretty miraculous, when you thing about the way that two beings intermingle in the mutual affection of romance. If human love, broken and immature, can be this amazing–I can’t even imagine what the love of God is like. Let me be moved and lifted up by your love. Teach me how to love you, how to let my innermost being intermingle with yours in the mysterious light of the most intimate of loves. Teach me to dance with you.
Once upon a time, when I experienced human romance, life had this vibrant color to it that I haven’t experience before or since. What if the divine romance is grander, deeper, filled with life and color that we can’t even imagine?
Human romance, who needs it? Divine romance–let me know that love.
A lot of people that I’ve met recently have shared with me their frustrations with “organized religion.” A lot of them have been burned by religious institutions, let down by religious leaders, conned by selfish congregation members. This is just so saddening to me. I want to take people who have experienced “church” in this way and bind up their wounds. I want them to see that the church is a body of broken people, and that we can’t put our hope in anything but Christ! People will let us down, churches will do the same. My theory is that the hurt is more amplified within the church because its just a whole lot of broken people under one roof. Let’s strip it down: what does our God think about religion? What is pleasing to him? Won’t that be the kind that is most pleasing to us as well?
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27, NIV)
Light bulb moment…So that’s what God wants? He wants us to love each other, look after those who can’t provide for themselves. He wants us to bind together in a community as a “salty” people that preserve his goodness in a crooked and perverse generation. He wants us to shine out his love like stars in the milky way, that each person that he has created will recognize his goodness and love. As a body of believers, we should give freely, love deeply, act justly, and above all, remain connected to our source, our Heavenly Father.
I had my last training shift at Upper Crust last night. Joanne, one of the regulars, sat at the bar as I finished up my side work. Her book caught my attention. I didn’t read the whole title, but in bold orange letters, the word JESUS beckoned to me. I asked her about the book, and she explained why she was reading it. Joanne told me about her beliefs, and then I asked her to describe her faith to me. She said that she’s in the pursuit of truth, always learning. She said that she was a Christian, “in the most liberal sense of the word.” Then she turned the question on little-old-unsuspecting me. She asked me as I wiped the counter, “How would you describe your faith?”
There was no turning back. I stared at the black and green flecked granite bar for a moment, then answered, “I’m a follower of Christ.” After a pause, I rephrased my response: “I’m surrendered to Christ.” I have found that this answer is solid. The word “Christian” has so many negative, ugly and unseemly connotations. How sad! I can’t even use the phrase Christian to describe myself without seeming cold, judgmental and hateful.
Quite frankly, that’s not the Christ I serve. The Christ I serve created me for a divine romance with himself, that I might know the Greatest Love. He laid down his life to pay the penalty of my shortcomings, that I would be reconciled with the Father. He lavishes a love so great on my that I can’t even imagine its limits. That’s the love that he died to share with me, with you, with Joanne. He even died so that my Agnostic and Atheistic professors would recognize his love. My prayer in this time is that I could be a witness of this beautiful dance of Grace and Truth that Jesus so perfectly modeled.
Also–had a wild spiritual convo crop up outa no where tonight at the MLL Spring Banquet. I just sat and picked at my Thai food (yuck) while my fellow students (and professors!!!) asked me to describe my beliefs and the work that I’ll be doing with Campus Crusade for Christ next year. So, naturally I just presented the gospel to three other students and two professors. One prof wanted to stay late to discuss spiritual things. The two of us sat the restaurant for a half hour after the rest of the party had left. Absolutely loco, I tell you. That stuff doesn’t just happen. The Holy Spirit is alive and moving in SLO. Pray for changed lives!
That’s the title of a rather sad Jon Foreman song. The song is sad, but it has a good message. The song reminds that no matter how “off-track” someone’s life has gotten, she is still “somebody’s baby, somebody’s baby girl.”
I like to remember that. It reminds me to love others. It reminds me that I am loved. That I am somebody’s baby girl. I belong to not only some awesome parents, but to my Heavenly Father, who loves me with unfailing love. Everyone is somebody’s baby. I need to remember that and remember to love like I believe that.
On a lighter note, here’s a rather telling shot of me as somebody’s baby girl….
Tonight I am back at Higher Groundz, one of my favorite coffee shops in SLO. It is a good place to study. I should be studying, what with the French midterm tomorrow, the senior project introduction due Friday.
But I need to write something in my native language. So hello, WordPress. I am overwhelmed, underwhelmed. Here comes some “verbal” processing. The Lord has been leading me so well, directing my steps as I remain in him. Here’s an example:
Today I sat in the UU plaza with Caellin and Lyse and got the WORST sunburn of the year It’s not real cute. Anyway, we talked about our weekends, and I soaked up all the wisdom I could from Caellin as she explained her experiences of ministry partner development (MPD) to Lyse and I. Later, after a brief intermission of French literature, I came back to the UU plaza to meet with Megan to talk about support raising for her summer project to Tokyo. I felt really inadequate talking with her, because I am dealing with so much doubt in the are of the Lord’s provision lately. To be honest, my emotions feel just like the skin on my back: dry, itchy, burned, uncomfortable. I’m over-cooked with all of the information that my mind marinates in after a weekend full of good, albeit overwhelming details of MPD.
It turns out that the Lord blessed my conversation with Megan, who brings joy to my life through her willingness to follow the Lord’s call to Tokyo. Talking with Megan was just what I needed to remember all of the truths the Lord has been teaching me lately about how to trust in him to fight for me. Deut. 2-3, 1 Kings 17, Philippians 4 just kept coming to mind as we talked. Towards the end of our conversation, Ashley, a team member from the Invisible Children roadies came to up to us and we talked for a bit about Invisible Children and life. After a few minutes of chatting, Ashley shared with us about how she recently stayed with a missionary family in Orange County, where she was blown away by the way they lived their lives completely off of financial support from ministry partners.
I was blown away too. This story, unsolicited from a complete stranger was a breath of fresh air into my sunburned day. Thank goodness for aloe vera and encouragement from sisters in Christ.
Ashely is great. Check out her video….she’s legit:
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Phil 4:12)
This is what I ask the Lord to teach me this day. I know that I can ask him for what I want, but the true desire of my heart is not for my own wants but for his. My heart aches over my own desires. I am blinded by what I want, so much so that sometimes I can’t even see where my blessed Lord is leading me.
Here’s my delimma…I’m supposed to ask him for what I want. How much can I want and yet be content at the same time? I don’t understand this at all. My prayer is that the Lord would shape my desires to line up with his, that I might be content where I am, rejoicing in who he has made me.
I don’t want to wish my life away, chasing a desire of my heart while missing out on the good gifts the Lord has given me for this day. It is so hard. I am tired. It’s so much easier to just pine away sometimes. Sometimes like right now. I feel my fleshy-ness so much in moments such as these.
Has the Lord revealed truth to you about this? How has he taught you about your desires, about contentment? I would love to hear about it.
…is being sure of what we hope for, certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)
Faith is scary. But I know that the God I serve is faithful, and that he goes before me in all that I do.
I was meditating on faith last night as I was praying over my plans for the future. My dear dear friend (she’s my bosom friend, for you Anne of Green Gables fans) Brook shared some wisdom from the Word of God with me that was so encouraging that I thought I would share it with you too (it’s from Psalm 37:23-24):
If the LORD delights in a man’s way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD uphold him with his hand.
This article changed my perspective on discerning God’s will about a year ago, and I am just now really getting to test out what it means to follow the Lord’s will in terms of big life decisions. Check it out.
I realize this is a pretty random post… but I just wanted to share a little of what the Holy Spirit is teaching me these days.
I find myself weighing out decisions for so many areas of my life lately. I came across this quote from C.S. Lewis that appears in his book The Four Loves. I feel like it pretty much sums up how I feel about making decisions, about taking action on a life I can be passionate about. Passionate is what I want my life to be, but if there is one thing I have learned, it is that passion is not safe. It is not comfortable. But steered by and surrendered to the Almighty God, it is oh so good.
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
Here’s to living a life that is full of vulnerability, full of pain, full of growth, full of passion. Here’s to the abundant life that I was created to live…even in the midst of a fallen world.
As mentioned in the previous post….I went to June Mountain to ski with some of my best friends. Turns out that I went over Valentine’s Day. Now, Valentines Day isn’t really a big deal for us single folks. Actually, the Valentines Days when I was dating someone really weren’t a big deal to me either, come to think of it.
Anyway, while I was away, some dear soul left these flowers for me. Brook called me to let me know, and being addicted to my cell phone as I am, I answered her call in the middle of a ski run. Awesome. She was excited and told me that I had received an anonymous valentine. She proceeded to read the note that came with the beautiful yellow roses. I have to tell you, it is one of the nicest things anyone has ever written to me. And people do write nice things to me from time to time, and this still stands out as one of the more heartfelt things I have heard.
To my anonymous friend- thank you so very much! Your kindness is so appreciated. Know that you have encouraged me and have really brightened my life. Thanks.
Now…who could this mystery rose-giver be? My first instinct is a woman, and a spiritual mentor. No offense intended if the giver was in fact a male who has no spiritual connection to me…I’m just going from context clues on the note. Also, if they are in fact from a man, it would have been helpful to know who he is, if ya know what I mean. My friends and I were thinking it was Caellin Douglas, but she denies it. Hmmmm.
Here are the flowers themselves….take a gander at the note:
I love meteor showers. I mean, really love them. I love to look up into the dark night sky and see the stars. The blackness of the night is pierced by the brilliant light of the beautiful stars each clear winter night, but last night was extra special. Last night, December 13, 2008, was the Geminids meteor shower. From what I hear, it is the second biggest of the year, just behind the famed Perseid meteor shower of mid August.
Last night, I enjoyed a wonderful dinner reunion with half of the team that went on project to El Salvador this past summer. We convened at Jacob and Caellin’s home for delicious homemade burgers (thanks Jacob!) and a perfectly constructed caesar salad made by none other than Adam S. Nixon. It was so much fun to be able to see Sara, Kaylee, Alyssa, Adam and Kelly last night. We laughed and reminisced as if no time has passed at all since we last saw each other in August. I love friendships like these….they are just so natural. After a rousing game of Bang, Jacob, Caellin, Sara, Kaylee, Kelly and myself headed out for an after dinner stroll around the Douglas’ neighborhood.
It was the coldest night we’ve had since I’ve been here this quarter. I love cold nights. They make me want to snuggle up to the people I love, and believe me, that’s big for me. Let’s just say that physical touch isn’t my cardinal love language.
Anyway, as we headed out of the house, I mentioned to my cohorts that Dec. 13th is a big night for meteors. I second guessed my announcement as soon as I made it (why do I lack such confidence in myself?). I then mumbled that we probably wouldn’t see many shooting stars, thanks to the amazingly bright gibbous moon that was rising in the eastern sky. Just then, a bright meteor streaked across the winter night. It was breathtaking. We preceded to walk up to the San Luis Obispo adult school baseball field, and turned with our backs against the bright moonlight to see what we could of the meteor shower. I saw at least 10 shooting stars, each more beautiful than the last. I even got to share my (very small) knowledge about meteor showers with Jacob, which was great.
After a half hour or so of star gazing, we returned to Jacob and Caellin’s home and were reunited with Alyssa and Adam. We played what I believe to be the funniest game of “Telephone Pictionary” that I’ve ever played. We laughed and enjoyed good time together as members of Christ’s body. I mean, the whole reason we ever met in the first place was because we went out into ministry. Later that night we saw a bunch more SLO students who were spending time at Alyssa’s house. The night was filled with fun and unexpected happy moments. It was the merriest night of the Christmas season so far.
All in all, I just feel so loved by my Heavenly Father. He loves me so well, so perfectly. He whispers his love to me in the most amazing ways: through genuine community where He is glorified, through beautiful displays of the heavens that he created, through the wintery weather he sent me today. I feel his unfailing love in the steady drum of the rain on my roof right now, and through the remembrance of the gift of his Son that he gave us. He is Emmanuel. He sent his Son to reunite me with him. To reunite you with him. He loves us each so well. I want to overflow with thanks to Him.
It’s not real cute. Anyway, we talked about our weekends, and I soaked up all the wisdom I could from Caellin as she explained her experiences of ministry partner development (MPD) to Lyse and I. Later, after a brief intermission of French literature, I came back to the UU plaza to meet with Megan to talk about support raising for her summer project to Tokyo. I felt really inadequate talking with her, because I am dealing with so much doubt in the are of the Lord’s provision lately. To be honest, my emotions feel just like the skin on my back: dry, itchy, burned, uncomfortable. I’m over-cooked with all of the information that my mind marinates in after a weekend full of good, albeit overwhelming details of MPD.
